Posts Tagged ‘politics’

Milwaukee County Supervisor Peggy West recently made a complete ass of herself at a debate on the boycotting of Arizona Immigration law SB1070.

In case you didn’t catch that – her stupid ass just justified her reason to boycott the law based on the fact that Arizona does not share a border with Mexico (seriously). Pointlessly boycotting a law is bad enough, but you’d think she would have something prepared to say to state her case. Instead she flew by the seat of her pants and was left with them sitting around her ankles. I know the high school graduation rate in Milwaukee is hardly pushing 50%, but god damn, I think even Paris Hilton would know Arizona borders Mexico (probably not, but you get the point). West did try to backtrack later by saying she meant that Texas had a longer border, and thus would have a bigger reception to the fact that there is a problem here. Sorry, Peg, you’re an idiot and now the whole world will know just how unprepared and uneducated you are. Your job was to research this law and boycott it intelligently – you did neither. You can now return to Reading People and watching soap operas, because it seems obvious that’s all your intelligence level allows you to accomplish. Regardless of where you stand on this, I think everybody has to agree that if you are trying to argue for or against something, it might be important to know at least the most basic facts surrounding the cause. The best part – she’s elected, folks. Chosen by the people to make inane, retarded statements to the people.

I wish I could lay waste to this dipshit, I really do, but I have to give credit where credit is due. Somebody has beaten me to the punch, and I feel it imperative to bring to you a beat down of epic proportions. Arizona Senator, Jon Kyl, sent Peggy West a letter explaining to her basic geography. I can not do it any better justice so I’ll give it to you verbatim here.

The Honorable Peggy West
Milwaukee County Board of Supervisors
Milwaukee County Courthouse
901 North 9th Street, RM 201
Milwaukee, WI 53233
Dear Supervisor West:
I understand that, when speaking about Arizona’s new immigration law at a Supervisors’
meeting recently, you said:
“If this was Texas, which is a state that is directly on the border with Mexico, and they
were calling for a measure like this saying that they had a major issue with
undocumented people flooding the borders, I would have to look twice at this. But this is
a state that is a ways removed from the border.”
You will be interested to learn that Arizona does indeed share a border with Mexico. I
have enclosed a map for your convenience.
I hope you will take the time to actually read the Arizona law before formulating an
opinion about it and become familiar with our country’s geography and the challenges that our
border states face.

Included in this public belittlement was a map that Senator Kyl so graciously filled out to illustrate for Ms. West exactly what she should have known since 2nd grade.

Yeah, this actually happened. It makes me feel good to know that other people out there have the balls to say what should be said, and in this case – people with the power to make it heard on a scale as large as this. Senator Jon Kyl – thank you.

Source: TMJ4

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6-25-2010

It was a sad day in North Korea as Kim Jong-Il’s pride was beaten to a bloody pulp, so he paid it forward. Monday, North Korea’s World Cup team lost to Portugal 7-0 in a humiliating send off on Soccer’s biggest stage. “Oh, they’re all dead, believe me. It’s not important how they were killed, just know that it was very painful” Jong-Il declared to a terrified press room on Friday. “It makes me look weak, and I can’t have everybody knowing how small my penis is. I’d kill Cristiano Ronaldo too if he wasn’t so damn cute.”

Kim Jong-Il is putting himself in charge of the next World Cup team and says armed guards will surround the field at tryouts. Missed passes, bad shots or goals allowed will result in immediate death “because I fucking can, that’s why”, he said. In a more revealing report, he was overheard saying, “How the hell are we supposed to rule the world when we lose 7-0 in a sport where the average goals scored is 2? This is worse than the days my daughters were born.” He wasn’t asked many more questions, but still occupied about an hour threatening to nuke the media, South Africa, Portugal, anybody associated with FIFA and anybody who ever mentions this game again. He was asked why the team was so ill-prepared and exclaimed, “Your mom was ill-prepared!” then kicked the podium and walked away. It was very awkward, juvenile and disturbing. Additionally, the funeral services will be held “In hell” according to a representative of the Jong-Il administration.

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As I’m sure you’re all well aware of by now, BP has screwed the pooch. That may be putting it too lightly. BP has dropped the ball on a scale so massive and in a manner so blatantly negligent that it probably even has George W. Bush doing a facepalm. On April 20th, 2010 an explosion aboard the Deepwater Horizon killed 11 people and left an unstoppable surge of oil gushing into the Gulf of Mexico. Tragic, right? Not if you consider the level of dickwad we’re dealing with here.

I will assume you know the basics: BP is evil and the CEO, Tony Hayward (above), is a complete asshat. Agreed? Good. Now lets take a look at the things that severely piss me off. The impetus for writing this post was a headline I read wherein BP was asking for volunteers to help clean up the mess. Really? I mean, really? One of the richest companies in the world had the audacity to ask for help cleaning a mess they created due to their own ignorance and greed. If you’re the altruistic type like me (believe it or not) you’re probably thinking, “What’s so bad about pitching in?” Let me put it to you this way: If you place your hand on a stove knowing full well it’s red hot, I will not help you when your hand is blistered. If you were dumb enough to touch it knowing the risk, you should be forced to handle the aftermath yourself.

Translation: The oil giant selected a cheaper, less reliable method of drilling that provided only a single layer of protection to prevent gas from leaking into the well. This resulted in a build up of gas and the eventual explosion that claimed 11 lives and the oil spill that is still wreaking havoc on marine life. Can you put a cost on human life and unforeseeable future ecological damage? BP can. If they used the more reliable, recommended liner and casing method, it would have taken nearly a week longer for the company to finish the well. Estimated rig costs are $533,000 a day and additional personnel and equipment costs are reported to push the tab to $1 million daily. Aggravating, isn’t it? It gets better. BP was warned, and knew about the risks but referred to it as the “best economic case”. So the next time you go for a swim at your favorite beach and come out looking like a god damn sea monster, at least we can be rest assured knowing BP saved a few bucks.

I worried about the fishermen whose livelihoods are destroyed, but my mind was quickly put at ease when I learned how BP was handling that. The good guys at Big Oil are offering the fishermen no more than $5,000 and the surrendering of their right to sue in exchange for their efforts to help clean up the mess. $5,000 in exchange for the annihilation of my career and jeopardization of my family’s well-being, plus I can’t sue your ass? Excuse me for sounding crass, but lick my balls, BP. I believe absolutely nothing that you say and sure as hell don’t trust anything you’re a part of. I get the same feeling from BP as I do from religion – something just isn’t right and it all smells of striking resemblance to bullshit. Spend some of that money you saved on your lax safety regulations and clean this shit up yourselves. (Although I’m sure it’s tough to allocate money to clean the spill you’re responsible for when you’re already spending more money on the lawyers to protect you because of it)

First their idea was to dump an egregious amount of chemicals into the gulf to help dissipate the oil (because nothing says clean water like oil and chemicals, right?). Next they attempted to stop the leak at the source, but quickly ran out of cool names for the procedures like “Junk Shot” and “Top Kill” (which was essentially just dumping mud and cement into the pipe to block it… yeah, that was the best they came up with) and finally just decided to cut the pipe in half. Sweet, now the oil is spilling into the Gulf at double the rate while they attempt to drop in a siphon on top of the pipe’s opened end. Let me put this in perspective for you: the Exxon Valdez spill, which was over 20 years ago, leaked 11 million gallons of oil. That was over 20 years ago and we’re still dealing with the repercussions of that blunder. It is estimated that the Deepwater Horizon has already leaked over 120 million gallons of oil into the gulf, and hurricane season is a week away. In a few short weeks we will all be able to get oil fresh from the shores of Florida, Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama. In a few months the oil will work its way through the ocean to depths and shores unknown, serving as a constant reminder that BP sucks at everything besides looking out for themselves. It has become so incredibly obvious that they’d rather pay off their mistakes than try to prevent them, which means it must be cheaper that way. BP has paid $485 million in fines in the U.S. alone in the past five years. They also paid $87.43 million to OSHA in October 2009, the largest fine in OSHA’s history, for the Texas refinery explosion. An additional $50 million went to the Department of Justice for that same explosion. Last month, BP paid $3 million to OSHA for 42 safety violations at an Ohio refinery. The company was also fined $20 million by the Department of Justice for the Alaska Prudhoe Bay spill that violated the Clean Water Act. Ridiculous.

How will this effect marine life? What impact will this have at the gas pump, or on the economy? These are things we will not know for some time, but what I am confident about is that BP is a company full of spineless, deceitful, voracious scumbags. Nothing would make me happier than to see them sued and fined into submission while that piece of garbage Tony Hayward stammers over his words trying to find a way out. Thanks, BP. During a time in which our economy is in the shitter, we’re at war, constantly being threatened by religious nutjob terrorists, Lady Gaga is atop the charts and people like Paris Hilton and Khloe Kardashian are popular, you have given us one more catastrophic thing to worry about; unfortunately it seems like the effects of this mess will stay with us long after Lindsay Lohan takes her last breath into an 8 ball on the bathroom floor. Kiss my ass, BP, I wish nothing but the worst for you.

Love,

Nick

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Bristol Palin is striving to be just as annoying as her mother, and succeeding. The hypocritical tramp signed with a speaker’s circuit to talk about, who woulda thunk it, teen pregnancy and the importance of abstinence. Yeah, the same person who got pregnant at 18 years old. In case you’re not pissed off already, she is reported to collect anywhere from $15,000 – $30,000 per speech! I’m currently fashioning a noose. I’m almost done, now I just need to find a sturdy spot.

What exactly will people line up around the block to hear her talk about? Her incredible 19 years of experience on this earth? How difficult it is to raise a child with support from your family and more disposable income than 75% of the Country? I would like to see how she ends her speech. “Listen girls, don’t do what I did because you’re all very average, dumb and, most of all, insignificant. My mom made a fool of herself in front of  the whole country so that allows me to get rich from this.” Most people face some rough times after making this kind of mistake. Where is the speaking circuit for Mary from Milwaukee, or Christine from Chicago? I’d be more likely to take advice on the perils of teen pregnancy from somebody who had to drop out of school, lost familial support and worked at McDonald’s – all while raising a child on her own and making it out alive than to listen to some bullshit from an over-privileged, 19-year-old, spoon fed hosebag who will make more money from one speech than an average single teen mother would in a year. Please Bristol, spare us the story of your rough life and keep your advice to yourself – it’s gotten you so far already. Most people have to pay for their poor decisions, but not if you’re the spawn of political mediocre-ness, not in America. Here you can get rich for fucking up just so long as you have an audience dumb enough to listen.

Don’t forget about her Candie’s ad, where they are teaming up to encourage abstinence in an effort to prevent teen pregnancy.

Because nothing says "abstinence" like Britney Spears and Candie's ads

Candie’s preaching abstinence is like Domino’s preaching healthy eating.

In a release from the foundation, Palin said that she feels she can serve as an example to other young women about the consequences of teen pregnancy. Consequences? Are you serious? I’ll take $30,000-per-speech consequences. Bristol Palin doesn’t know the first thing about actual consequences. I’m not sure if I’m more amazed that she’ll be making this kind of money for doing what millions of other, less fortunate, women have been doing for years; or that people still give a shit about what the Palins are doing. As I’m writing this, I found out she will also be acting in ABC’s “The Secret Life of the American Teenager” – a show about the consequences of teen pregnancy. If we want a portrayal of “the American teenager”, why the hell would we follow the story of a rich, falsely entitled slut? Bristol, do us all a favor and stay on your back, we all liked you better that way when we had no idea who the hell you were.

I just put down an entire pizza, anybody want to pay me to speak on the pitfalls of gluttony? I’m a bargain – only $10,000 per speech.

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OOOH! Hot button topic! Quick – furrow your brow and get mad before reading this. If there is anything I’ve learned from politics it’s that nobody ever wins, but EVERYBODY gets pissed off, which generally makes for good TV. Let me preface this by saying that I lean neither right or left, my posture is pretty decent. I also try to stay away from placing myself into predetermined political categories because I prefer to think for myself. What I do love is making fun of politics because it’s just so damn easy. The issue at hand was interesting to me because it has some fundamental idiosyncrasies I felt compelled to bring to light as a layman peering in from the outside. I will never try to pretend like I know my ass from my face when it comes to politics, but I’d like to think I can smell a little trouble brewing in the political arena.

In case you are lagging behind the rest of the country on news or current events I’ll give you a quick, crude, ill-informed run down of what this bill is all about (I’d give you a link, but then I’d be lambasted for whichever “side’s” site I used by people from the other side). The Arizona bill makes it a crime to be in the U.S. illegally (woo!). The bill also gives local law enforcement the right to question anybody on the legality of their citizenship as long as they have “reasonable suspicion” to believe they may be illegal (ahhh crap). They were so close! Listen, it’s hard for me to take sides on this one because I do agree with what they’re trying to do, but I’m worried about how it will be carried out. Usually when cops are given this kind of open, sweeping authority, a video pops up on the internet of some minority getting the living bejesus beaten out of him. As long as they yell “stop resisting” it’s all good, right? In this case we’re saved, though, because the bill points out that racial profiling is not allowed. Haha, yeah OK, so let me get this straight – the point of this bill is to give the authority to question people about their citizenship who look like they might be illegal, but they’re not not allowed to racially profile? That’s like force-feeding somebody ex-lax and telling them not to shit; it’s damn near impossible. What does an illegal alien look like anyway? Hispanic? Native American? How about Polish, Russian, German, Italian or Irish? I’m just sayin’… How the hell is one supposed to be on the lookout for illegal immigrants without profiling, ESP?

Pro·fil·ing [proh-fahy-ling]

-Noun

the use of specific characteristics, as race or age, to make generalizations about a person.

I haven’t been around too long, but I’m pretty well versed in the meaning of “reasonable suspicion.”  It’s a simple way of saying, “We can do whatever we want, and since the letter of the law is subjective- you’ll never win.” I see where they’re coming from, though. The current border control system has failed so hard that Arizona lawmakers felt compelled to take this kind of extreme action in order to prove their point and take control of their state.

Is this too far? Maybe this is too far. Ehhh....

The left wingers will cling to the fact that this violates all of their civil rights, while the right wingers will cling to the fact that they’re not allowed, per the bill, to racially profile – thereby harming nobody. I will, meanwhile, maintain a realistic approach and say that regardless of what the bill says, the fact of the matter is that human beings are carrying out its work. Living , breathing, emotional, biased, opinionated human beings are being asked to maintain a keen eye for those who may be living here illegally… but not to racially profile them in order to make the determination.

Con-tra-dic-tion [kon-truhdik-shuhn]

-Noun

a statement or proposition that contradicts or denies another or itself and is logically incongruous.
direct opposition between things compared; inconsistency.

Give me a break, who do they honestly think is stupid enough to fall for this? Oh wait… I believe there is a document somewhere that reads ‘all men are created equal’. However, if a black man and I were both pulled over for the same offense, I’m willing to bet he is more likely to get the ticket. I think it’s safe to say that the human interpretation element to any written bill, law or reform can not be ignored.

I agree with what they’re getting at, but am at odds with the route they’re taking to get there. I’m all for border control (and frankly, I’m not completely against racially profiling either – because that’s also called being ‘street smart’), I hate dumping my money to pay for illegal immigrants just as much as the next guy. My problem lies in the fact that we are essentially asking law enforcement to racially profile, but forbidding them to racially profile (yes, you read that correctly). I just can’t shake the feeling that this seems an awful lot like a desperate attempt by a group of insecure officials to give authority figures free-reign to do whatever the hell they want in order to make up for an already failing border patrol system. Oh, ya know what – nevermind, I forgot that we’re fixing that too. Our hero is here.

pro·fil·ing

[proh-fahy-ling] Show IPA

–noun the use of specific characteristics, as race or age, to make generalizations about a person, as whether he or she may be engaged in illegal activity

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More editorial idiocy

Posted: March 27, 2010 in Pictures
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The Alaskan shitshow

Posted: March 26, 2010 in Whatever
Tags: , , , , ,

Just when I thought I heard the last of this bumbling idiot she comes galloping back on her dark horse to steal our intellect right from under our noses. Yeah, Sarah Palin is back to host a new reality TV show about the wonders of Alaska. I have to be honest, I don’t know too much about the show itself because half way through the press release I was crying so hard I couldn’t read it any longer. She was a racy little addition to McCain’s campaign, and it was fun while it lasted but I was hoping she would head back home to practice those family values she insisted on ramming down our throats. Now, before all the righteous homophobes threaten to hurl their bibles at me let me just say that I honestly have no actual reason to dislike Palin. She just annoys the crap out of me and I’m sick of hearing her stupid catch phrases and wailing hypocrisies. “But Nick, you can’t honestly hate Sarah Palin, she is just so nice.” ‘You Betcha’ I can.

I can’t really bash for her for the pregnant daughter – I don’t have kids, so I am not going to pretend like I know what it’s like. But what I can, and will, bash her for is speaking on family values as if she is a shining example of them herself. Remember the story about how Palin hid her own pregnancy until the final term and how her admitted ambivalence about having a child with down syndrome was so great that she contemplated aborting her? Looking back, I sure ‘betcha’ she appreciated the fact that she had the choice to make that decision. I remember watching her accept the nomination for vice president having a three-month-old special needs daughter at home as well as one who was 17-years old, pregnant, and unwed… but who would want to be at home for all that drama!? Don’t forget how she dragged them around the campaign and paraded them on stages while the camera focused steady on her pregnant daughter and her awkward boyfriend. Family first? Kiss my ass. Listen – I wont give you advice on how to lose weight as long as you don’t give me advice on raising a family, deal? If I want to listen to awful catch phrases I’ll watch a game show, and if I want to see how igloos are made I’ll visit howstuffworks.com. At least then I wouldn’t be subjected to hypocritical, narcissistic  pandering at the expense of my sanity. In case you didn’t get the hint when every possible media outlet ripped you a new one on a daily basis during the campaign… NOBODY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY.

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