Posts Tagged ‘lady gaga’

I’m not sure who told Lady Gaga she was attractive, or how we’ve all been tricked to think it’s even a woman but it keeps flaunting around and I’m glad somebody finally called it out. Lady Gaga’s hideous ass was tossed from her seats on the charge of disgusting in public. The report says she was removed for being incredibly drunk, flipping people off, swearing and grabbing her boobs but how is that different from any other Yankee fan? I’m confident that they realized how ugly she was and got rid of her before everybody started throwing up. She then, somehow, made her way to the clubhouse where the shit-show continued. General Manager Brian Cashman found out that she talked her way past security to get there (which means the guards are either retarded or gay) and was furious, banning her from future visits. I’m sure he just feels that the Yankess can’t afford to have players running around covered in STD’s, so it’s best to keep that horrendous slut as far away as possible.

Let me put this into perspective for you – if this was Megan Fox swearing and grabbing herself – she’d be put on the jumbotron. Instead, it’s Lady Gaga, so to protect the minds of all the children and to ensure the men are able to get an erection again – they got her grotesque ass out of there. We need to stop pandering to these assholes. It’s bad enough that there are groups of people out there who actually listen to this shit and buy the CDs, but to let her think she’s attractive too…knock it off or we’ll continue to be subjected to horrible images like this:

Think about the children!!

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Better known as “One of Those Stupid Assholes from Jersey Shore”,  Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino has found a new way to completely embarrass himself. Adding to the list of things he is terrible at and doomed to failure in, The Situation is going to prove to the world that he not only sucks in general, but now he sucks specifically at rapping too. I, personally, can’t figure out where he found the time to get this done. In between his trips to the gym, tanning bed, ironing board, cat calling women and filming YouTube videos only the brainless give a shit about, he has managed to squeeze in a few minutes to come up with arguably the most awful thing you will ever hear. TMZ first broke a clip of his song which includes incredibly poetic lyrics such as, “Woah, the situation. Woah, woah the mother effing situation. Woah, woah the situation.” Breathtaking. I would expect nothing less from a collaboration with guys named Fatman Scoop, DJ Class, and The Disco Fries. They even put their brilliant minds together to come up with the inventive song title of “The Situation.” Musical masterminds. You can listen to the clip at TMZ here, but I caution you – there is no coming back from that.

Included, but not limited to, in the things I’d rather do than listen to this are: pierce my scrotum with a rusty nail, close my face in a george foreman, watch baseball, be accosted by a priest or listen to Ke$ha. I’m shocked every time a “musician” like Ke$ha or Lady Gaga start selling records, but I shouldn’t be. The bar for good music has been set so low that pretty much any assortment of frequencies including a bass line has every dumbass in the world uniting to pump fists and deny their retardation. It’s gotten so bad that a guy like The Situation just walked into a room with that piece of crap track and other people in the room actually looked at each other and said, “Yes! Let’s all put our names on this so everybody knows that we endorse it!” The collaborative brain function of the average orange-faced Jersey Shore fan is somewhere near that of a half-aborted fetus with downs, but there is no way anybody can think this is good music. I guarantee I’ll be shocked again though when the dickbag actually sells some of these, then thanks god for his achievements – furthering my argument for de-evolution. Stay in the tanning bed and turn it on high, you’ll be doing the world a favor.

This is sign language for "I'm a douchebag"

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And still around… I was hoping she’d pull a Brittany Murphy and make a quick exit (too soon?). Unfortunately she’s still here, and lately has just been getting on my nerves. Speaking with the UK’s Mirror, the Queen of Repulsion said that she is celibate – having given up on sex since splitting with her boyfriend. She went on to say “You don’t have to have sex to be loved”, maybe not, but looking horrendous doesn’t help either. “I’m single because I don’t have the time,” she said. No – you’re single because most guys wouldn’t know whether to ask you out to dinner or to join them in their annual Turkey Bowl. I guess it’s not her fault though it’s probably just a mis communication, so let me make sure I’m clear: Pop artist superstars shouldn’t have trouble making time to get busy. When most guys have to put on their best Poker Face (yeah I did) to keep from cringing at the very site of your giant schnoz – you have other problems. When you look like this, it’s not celibacy – it’s striking out.

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