Posts Tagged ‘college’

First reported by FOX

Didn’t click on it? I probably wouldn’t either, I’m not sure I can be trusted. To make a short story shorter, the police are on the lookout for a man accused of serial crotch grabbing. He lurks on the UCLA campus, waits for women to be distracted on their cell phones and pounces like a fat kid on the last ho-ho, accosting their crotchal region. It is reported that the mad clam spanker has gotten away with 6 walk-by fondles and is still on the loose.

Whatever happened to the “side-boob handshake” or the “slip-by ass graze”? They’re getting bold out there on the west side. Los Angeles police have obtained the following description of the suspect: Hispanic man, between 40 and 60 years old, with a dark complexion and a pot belly. Come to think of it, I haven’t heard from Carlos Mencia in a while…

My money's on Mencia

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To hell with college!

Posted: March 30, 2010 in sports
Tags: , , , , , ,

This idea that world-class athletes should have to go to college before turning pro is absolutely ridiculous. The “student-athlete” term is abused and is actually kind of an oxymoron. The entire point of going to college is to get an education that may or may not allow you to work for a higher pay rate, right? So why the hell should somebody have to go to college if they know they can make millions without going? Because the system sucks, that’s why. As far as I’m concerned, forcing a great athlete to go to college just puts them at risk of being injured or otherwise shortening their career, hampering their ability to make a living doing what they’re skilled at. Tell Lebron James he should have gone to college, he’d likely give you the $10,000 in his pocket to be quiet and leave him alone.

There are millions of people with college degrees that have average jobs and astronomical student loan debt. Hell, sometimes I use my college diploma when I run out of tee-pee. I don’t want to hear about some athletes getting extra praise for ‘sticking it out’ through 4 years of college and being a ‘student athlete’ because that is total bullshit. The only reason why somebody stays is because they know they’re not good enough to leave yet, not because they want to listen to some dickwad tell them about finite mathematics.

I’m not saying any moron with a pair of gym shoes and a dream should forgo college, what I am saying is that the ones who are gifted should be able to use college applications as coasters. What difference does it really make? Have you ever listened to post-game interviews with those athletes that did graduate from college? They nearly choke on their tongue trying to put together a sentence. It’s a good thing they spent all that time studying in college…

“But what if they get hurt, they have nothing to fall back on.” Jesus christ, please shut up, make the bleeding stop, please stop my ears from ringing. You can go to college whenever you want, but a professional athletic career is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Let’s say, for example, somebody skips college and goes pro. Then he gets his signing bonus and ends up hurt in the first game. OK – go back to college. No harm, no foul. Not to mention the fact that there is still a very good chance he remains on the team or in the league anyway. Or let’s imagine an athlete that skips college and has a decent year or two, makes a few million bucks then gets hurt. The only thing he will have to fall back on is his bed of money. Again, if he wants to go back to school, so be it; if not, he’ll probably stay in the league, don’t forget that he’s already made more money in those 2 years than I ever will in my entire life. “But most athletes are broke when their career is over.” Listen – If athletes are dumb enough to spend all their money right away that’s not my fault so I DEFINITELY will not buy that as a reason to pick college over a pro athletic career. “But they’ll miss out on the college experience.” If, by “college experience”, you mean drinking until passing out and waking up next to some random girl in a frat house every weekend then I guess you have me… Unless you replace ‘girl’ with ‘supermodel’ and ‘frat house’ with ‘mansion’, then the win goes to the athletic career… again. What I’m saying is that for these people, college is completely useless and shouldn’t be forced on them. I am so sick of the people who vehemently stress the importance of getting a college education before turning pro. It is so completely righteous and pompous to tell somebody else they should wait to live an absolute dream just because you’re average an unexciting just like the rest of us. So shut up, stop being so damn jealous and let them do what they’re here to do. If you had the opportunity to make millions but passed it up to live in a dorm room and eat ramen – congratulations, you’re an asshat.

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