Posts Tagged ‘arrogant’

Great basketball player? No question. Do I want him on the Bulls? You better believe it. Does he have balls the size of watermelons and an ego that makes even Brett Favre bow before him? Obviously. 

...of what happens when ESPN kisses your ass for 7 years."

Tonight at 8pm CST Lebron James is holding an hour-long ESPN special to announce which team he is going to sign with. The balls on this guy, and we thought the Brett Favre shenanigans were bad. I’m not sure how he thinks this Lebron-a-thon doesn’t end with everybody thinking he is a tremendously arrogant, self-absorbed piece of shit. Consider the scenarios: if he stays with Cleveland, he unnecessarily strung along everybody else just to give them the proverbial middle finger on a national stage. If he leaves Cleveland, it is the equivalent of pulling his pants down and asking the Cavalier fans to kiss his ass in one of the most epic breakups I’ve ever seen. Instead of signing an extension years ago or dealing with a team like a normal fucking person, Lebron thinks it necessary to drag this out and parade on stage in what has to be one of the clearest displays of pompous douchebaggery in the history of professional sports. 

Lebron already announced that he will name his team in the first 10 minutes of the broadcast, which means the ESPN anchors will undoubtedly just powder his balls for the next 50 minutes while “King James” makes it rain on them. I’m not saying I blame him, I mean what would you do if the whole world kissed your ass since High School? Granted, whichever team he signs with will produce an elated fan base, and if the Bulls land him I’d be stupid not to be happy – he makes them a much, much better team and closer to winning a title and I’m on record as saying that’s really all I care about. This, however, is a tough pill to swallow. I can not be convinced that this is anything other than a self-indulgent spectacle to show to the world that Lebron James can do whatever the hell Lebron James wants to do and there isn’t a damn thing anybody can do about it. 

“But he’s giving some money to The Boys and Girls Club.” Shut up, that’s what rich people say when they just want to have their feet kissed publicly without feeling guilty about it. If he really wanted to help a charity, why not just cut them a check with his ridiculous contract he’s about to receive? Because he likes it when ESPN gives him a reach around, that’s why. Speaking of which, I’d like to send a personal “fuck you” to ESPN for hugging Lebron’s ass through this whole process. Every reporter has a different source telling them he’s going somewhere else, and the news feeds have just been embarrassing to watch so they thought, “Fuck it, since none of us know what the hell is going on, why not let Lebron do our jobs for us?” I’m convinced that even if Lebron signs with the Bulls, Stephen A. Smith (renowned ass hat) will still report that he’s heading to the Knicks. 

This whole thing is almost too ridiculous to wrap my head around, but that being said, I’ll still tune in because sports are like my bible – regardless of how stupid it sounds I still follow it like mindless drone (it’s my curse). I do want to ask something of you guys though. It’s been widely reported that Lebron finally joined Twitter, and I’m sure he has received an outpouring of affection from all his fans. Take a minute and let @KingJames know he’s kind of a dick (I did) and send him the link to this post.

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You talkin’ to me?!

Posted: March 22, 2010 in Whatever
Tags: , , , , ,

I was standing in line at Subway when, abruptly, I was complemented on my sweater by the guy standing to my right. Flattered, and yet confused, I looked down to make sure I was wearing my standard Chicago Bears hoodie and didn’t accidentally happen to look presentable today. Although it’s not technically a “sweater” I let it slide in favor of the kind words. It is very rare that I get complements on Bears apparel out here in Wisconsin so I figured he was a fellow fan and replied, “Thanks, I don’t hear that a lot out here.” He didn’t reply, staring forward at the menu. I figured he was getting ready to order so I waited…nothing. No order, no reply, no eye contact. He must have been awfully focused on the menu, because he was nodding his head and mumbling “uh huh” and “right” every now and then. At this point I felt the situation was a lost cause and continued on with my order.

As Mundabi shook the oregano over my sub, he interjected, “I bet you paid waaaay too much for it though.” What the fuck? Who the hell is this guy to tell me how much I should or shouldn’t pay for my clothes? Killing with kindness I said, “Actually it was a gift, so I have no idea how much it wa…” and before I even finished my sentence this jagoff began to talk again! “You always shop at the most ridiculous places, I could have gotten that for you for half the price.” You son of a bitch! I couldn’t believe this guy, what an arrogant prick. As much as I disliked this fellow by now I was still interested as to where he could get sweet NFL hoodies at such a bargain. Before I even opened my mouth to speak this little piece of crap got ahead of me, “Just take it back, it looks terrible I was being sarcastic when I told you I liked it anyway.” MOTHER #@%$#@#%@&!!!!! Unbelievable. I was totally fed up at this point and couldn’t think of anything else to say so I asked, “What’s your problem?” He turned to face me for the first time throughout the entire conversation and in his right ear I got a glimpse of one of the most frustrating, irritating, pretentious things known to man: his bluetooth headset. To make matters worse he gave me the patented ‘hold on’ with one index finger as he pointed to his douche device with the other. He had absolutely no idea that I was engaged in this fictitious conversation the entire time. Besides the fact that  he met all the criteria for being a total asshat, this guy was a total dick to whoever was on the other line. I wanted to shove that damn bluetooth so far into his ear canal that it would need surgery to be removed, then call his phone and scream into mine until my lungs bled.

The bluetooth frenzy is one of the most annoying inventions in recent years and it’s only getting worse. When they were used for talking while driving I was on board. When people started talking to themselves while walking down the street, it was comical. Even watching these idiots get hit by cars because of the lack of attention paid to their surroundings was OK because, again, if you have it coming – I will not sympathize. When self-important, arrogant gas bags started using them just to look important and forget about what losers they really were is where I began to have a problem. Given the chance, I’d like to make sure every bluetooth abuser has one of the big gaudy devices that glow or blink – and stick them directly up their asses – that way they’ll be easier to spot. If there is ever a question you would just have to lean back and check it out. Ass glowing blue? They’re not talking to you.

Know somebody that would appreciate this? let ’em know!

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