Who is this asshole?

I’m just a guy from Chicago with a lot to say. You might not agree with me, and frankly I don’t care, but I’m willing to bet you can get a laugh out of it. Have a seat, have a sense of humor, blur your moral compass and prepare to be offended (it’s only a matter of time). If you have something to say, comment or send me an email. If you’re an editor and want to pay me to do this, then that’s cool too.

Be honest, be heard, have a laugh and most importantly – don’t ever take me too seriously, It’s better for both of us.

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Comments
  1. Casey says:

    While I can’t say I agree with EVERYTHING, I admire your perspectives. Extremely entertaining – blog on fool!

  2. Russ says:

    its good to hear some real chicago talk (or read it what the fucK ever) keep it comin you ugly bastard! We love ya!

  3. cookie says:

    You are one heck of writer and one heck of an attention-monger. You’ll write any bull to raise our eyebrows and drop our jaws.
    you probably lie on your friends and pull the chair out from under your mother when she sits down.

  4. Nick says:

    Thank you (I think), I appreciate the kind words. I would hope you see a doctor for the dropped jaw as I’m sure it is probably both painful and a terrible inconvenience. I once got diarrhea for 3 days after eating some undercooked chicken, so I can appreciate the nature of a condition that is both painful and inconvenient.
    You have me pegged as I do have a history of clamoring for attention. Once, in the third grade, our teacher asked us a simple math question that I knew the answer to. I raised my hand but she picked Ralph instead. Ralph answered correctly and was rewarded with a piece of candy. MaryAnn also told Ralph “good job” and I was madly in love with MaryAnn so this was disheartening. Watching as the attention was shifting away from myself to Ralph I felt I needed to regain it. Always one to whore himself out for a laugh – I stood up and knocked all of the books off of the person’s desk next to mine. Unfortunately, that was MaryAnn’s desk so this was both embarrassing and self-defeating.
    As far as lying on my friends is concerned, I’m not sure if this it entirely accurate. To lie on any of my friends would surely result in a great deal of discomfort and pain, so I try to abstain from lying on my friends, or anybody for that matter, whenever possible.
    I appreciate your concern for my mother, she is a wonderful woman who I’m sure would cook dinner for you sometime if you so felt obliged. While we are at my mother’s home you can see first hand the hilarity that ensues when we pull her chair out from under her. Maybe you can remove my father’s chair at the same time? Then we can high-five each other and laugh together. We will have a lot of fun. I look forward to our friendship and fun times.
    Regards,
    -Nick

  5. Emily says:

    you friggin crack me up! But youre tellin the truth! keep it comin!

  6. Jael says:

    I am in love with your writing. You are officially nominated as my spin source.

    • Nick says:

      Thank you! Man, I’m so used to being called an asshole that this is good to hear. Keep reading! I see you subscribed also – thanks again!

  7. Nicole Levin says:

    Nick,
    Sorry for the White Sox comment, it was meant as a joke-I am obviously a diehard
    Cubs fan. Yeah, lucky me, huh? Anywho, I am also from the Windy City and I LOVE
    your particular brand of in-your-face humor and writing! It is actually quite
    refreshing. And seriously, your writing in general is absolutely superb! I am
    definately a fan. As a writer myself(still trying to break into the biz), I can
    only hope to write something that comes close to your calibur of work. Thanks for the inspiration and the witty and humorous comments. Keep up the good work-Nicki

    • Nick says:

      It’s cool – the Chicago balance would be thrown off if White Sox and Cubs fans actually got along. I really appreciate the kind words, it’s definitely a way to release for me but if I can find somebody to pay me to do it that would be awesome too, haha. Keep reading, I appreciate it!

  8. ConstantHover says:

    good shit my fellow miserable mofo! keep it coming…you may just stave off my next suicide attempt after all 😉

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