Lebron James: self-righteous ass bag

Posted: July 8, 2010 in sports
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Great basketball player? No question. Do I want him on the Bulls? You better believe it. Does he have balls the size of watermelons and an ego that makes even Brett Favre bow before him? Obviously. 

...of what happens when ESPN kisses your ass for 7 years."

Tonight at 8pm CST Lebron James is holding an hour-long ESPN special to announce which team he is going to sign with. The balls on this guy, and we thought the Brett Favre shenanigans were bad. I’m not sure how he thinks this Lebron-a-thon doesn’t end with everybody thinking he is a tremendously arrogant, self-absorbed piece of shit. Consider the scenarios: if he stays with Cleveland, he unnecessarily strung along everybody else just to give them the proverbial middle finger on a national stage. If he leaves Cleveland, it is the equivalent of pulling his pants down and asking the Cavalier fans to kiss his ass in one of the most epic breakups I’ve ever seen. Instead of signing an extension years ago or dealing with a team like a normal fucking person, Lebron thinks it necessary to drag this out and parade on stage in what has to be one of the clearest displays of pompous douchebaggery in the history of professional sports. 

Lebron already announced that he will name his team in the first 10 minutes of the broadcast, which means the ESPN anchors will undoubtedly just powder his balls for the next 50 minutes while “King James” makes it rain on them. I’m not saying I blame him, I mean what would you do if the whole world kissed your ass since High School? Granted, whichever team he signs with will produce an elated fan base, and if the Bulls land him I’d be stupid not to be happy – he makes them a much, much better team and closer to winning a title and I’m on record as saying that’s really all I care about. This, however, is a tough pill to swallow. I can not be convinced that this is anything other than a self-indulgent spectacle to show to the world that Lebron James can do whatever the hell Lebron James wants to do and there isn’t a damn thing anybody can do about it. 

“But he’s giving some money to The Boys and Girls Club.” Shut up, that’s what rich people say when they just want to have their feet kissed publicly without feeling guilty about it. If he really wanted to help a charity, why not just cut them a check with his ridiculous contract he’s about to receive? Because he likes it when ESPN gives him a reach around, that’s why. Speaking of which, I’d like to send a personal “fuck you” to ESPN for hugging Lebron’s ass through this whole process. Every reporter has a different source telling them he’s going somewhere else, and the news feeds have just been embarrassing to watch so they thought, “Fuck it, since none of us know what the hell is going on, why not let Lebron do our jobs for us?” I’m convinced that even if Lebron signs with the Bulls, Stephen A. Smith (renowned ass hat) will still report that he’s heading to the Knicks. 

This whole thing is almost too ridiculous to wrap my head around, but that being said, I’ll still tune in because sports are like my bible – regardless of how stupid it sounds I still follow it like mindless drone (it’s my curse). I do want to ask something of you guys though. It’s been widely reported that Lebron finally joined Twitter, and I’m sure he has received an outpouring of affection from all his fans. Take a minute and let @KingJames know he’s kind of a dick (I did) and send him the link to this post.

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  1. Davd says:


    this article by bill simmons of ESPN does a pretty good job of also telling how james is kind of a dick.

  2. Davd says:

    the LeBronocalypse! awesome title for it.

  3. ann sterzinger says:

    At least Favre had the good grace to wait till he’d been hit in the head enough times to have some sort of excuse before turning into a drama queen…

    • Nick says:

      No kidding. Favre strung everybody along, but at least he let us forget about him every now and then. Lebron has just set a new bar for dickbags everywhere who can’t get enough of themselves.

  4. jm says:

    Excellent points. I am still amazed why no “journalists” have publicly called out LeBron for being an immature, self absorbed douchebag. Holding a one hour special to tell the world who you’re playing with next? That’s beyond ridiculous. I truly despise this poser, who insists he is the “King” despite only winning the award for douchebaggery.

    • Nick says:

      Exactly, a few smaller outlets let him have it a little, but I’d like to see ESPN bash the fuck out of him – but it’s hard to do that when his balls are in your mouth I guess.

  5. jmatko says:

    I’m not that avid a sports fan, but I have to admit that I was shocked and appalled at how much I have been hearing about this in the news lately. I agree, he is an amazing player, but with an ego that big, I’m surprised it doesn’t weigh him down while making those shots! And what’s worse, the media is gobbling it all up! UGH!

  6. pbandchutney says:

    ughhh im so done with this!!! sent my thoughts to King James. nice post. tell us how you REALLY feel!

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