If you won the Lottery, would you keep working?

Posted: July 1, 2010 in Whatever
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

I have had this conversation with so many people it’s stupid, and sometimes I’m shocked at the answer I get. It’s simple, if you won the lottery, or otherwise came into an enormous sum of money – would you keep your job? This hypothetical amount of money would have to be enough to live on, of course, or else this conversation is pointless. I have run into this answer more than once and it drives me insane. “I would keep working, at least part-time. I would be so bored otherwise.” Are you fucking kidding me? If I had the winning powerball numbers I would quit my job before the final number was even finished being read on TV. I would take a great deal of satisfaction in going into the office the next day as if nothing happened to just do whatever the hell I wanted, all day. I’d play Tetris, make personal calls, get hammered and fall in and out of sleep. When, inevitably, somebody finally asks me to get to work I might fart into my cupped hand and waft it their way, presenting it as a gift then walk out without a word. I’m not terribly confident I wouldn’t send an email to the whole office of my bare ass with the winning ticket stuck to it. There is also a slight chance I would bust into the office through the window on a zip line later that week after a 3 day bender in Vegas to gather my things, set them on fire then piss on them to put it out… because I’m fucking rich, that’s why. I love the people I work with, and this wouldn’t be done out of malice. I would quit almost ANY job upon becoming filthy rich. I just don’t know if I would be able to contain myself. Listen, I don’t care what anybody says – people are not meant to sit at a desk while being watched and judged for 8 hours a day. The pure elation that would come with the thought of knowing I’ll never have to do that again would make me drunk with creative ways to celebrate – appropriate or not.

People have told me, “You would get bored being at home all day.” 1) If you honestly think that, you obviously don’t know me too well and 2)Who says I’ll be at home? If I feel like having crab legs for lunch, I’ll take a trip to Maine. Feel the urge to riot, loot or kill? We could head down to New Orleans during hurricane season. You would be surprised how not bored I’d be playing Xbox on my 50 foot TV all day. I really do believe that if you are one of those people who says they would still work if they won the lottery – you’re either full of shit or don’t know how to have fun. Take a good deal of that money and bank it, invest it, find ways to make it grow then enjoy sleeping in every day and doing whatever the hell you please. We get one life (unless you’re delusional, then you think we might get another up in the sky) so why the hell would I spend it commuting, reporting, frustrated or deadlined? If you ever win the lottery and feel the need to keep working, give me your winning ticket and I’ll have fun for you – because you’ve obviously given up on life. So what do you think – would you work, or quit?

(Also – it’s a celebration bitches, this is my 150th post!)

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  1. Congrats on your 150th! I’m sure loving them. Would I keep working? Yes and no. HELL NO TO WORKING HERE, but I’d love to work somewhere for a nice animal rescue non-profit or would start a foundation that actually helps…something! I love your dry wit!

    • Nick says:

      Thanks! (welcome back, btw – returning from vacation sucks!)
      And right – exactly. If I had the money, I would do things that make me happy, or benefit somebody else (because usually those things COST money).

  2. pbandchutney says:

    quit my job in a heartbeat and travel the world with my husband!! there’s no way in HELL I would keep a part time job.

  3. js says:

    I think you need to quit your job, right now. I know many people who would take your terrible situation, people who are too proud to get food stamps or collect unemployment, who would love to have a job that acutally pays money. So, nick, get over yourself.

    • Nick says:

      ooooo burn. The whole post was hypothetical, don’t turn this into some “bigger picture” argument. Of course the less fortunate would want to take my place. I’ve been working since I was legally able to (actually a year before I was legally able to – 15) so I don’t need the “appreciate what you have” speech. It’s simple – if I ran into a giant sum of money I would be so excited I’d shit myself and quit, ANY job, in a fanatical style. I’ll get over myself when you get a sense of humor.

  4. js says:

    Also, you need to get a job shoveling shit. You clearly don’t enjoy being judged; you need to work with your hands and exert some of that excess energy. Anyone with as much sarcasm as you have isn’t getting enough of something and I think I know what it is.

  5. Sarah says:

    Hell no I wouldn’t work!! Who in their right mind would?

  6. badmammy says:

    hell no

  7. Wow, some unfiltered honesty for a change.

    I would add though, at the risk of sounding unduly altruistic, that I might concentrate on doing something for people that might not have ever happened otherwise.

    Might be a fun job to not only fly to Maine and have a lobster, but to randomly refurbish some Boys and Girls club while you’re there.

    • Nick says:

      For sure, but my point here was whether to work or not. What Id do with the money could be an entirely different post, but not on this topic.

  8. You need to educate yourself on what happens to the average lottery winner. And I do think you are funny. But also cruel, sarcastic and mean. Mostly, funny. It scares me how much you make me laugh.

    • Nick says:

      haha, well thanks. I’d like to think that’s what I’m aiming for here. It might not be what you’ll say or think aloud, but part of you wants to – so enjoy watching me say it. I do know what happens to the average lottery winner: broke, dead or divorced. Again however, I did not map out my strategy for planning my money – only what I would do in a knee-jerk load blow of excitement. Also – don’t be scared, just laugh.

      • Maura says:

        First thing you should do when you win the lottery is call your lawyer. (cough cough…) Seriously though, call a lawyer. And don’t tell a goddamn soul outside of your sworn-to-secrecy immediate circle of trust.

      • Nick says:

        Very true. Actually, that would make it that much more wierd for everybody at my place of employent if they had no idea why I was doing those things.

  9. Chairman says:

    The best thing to do will be to visit lotteryexaminers and win a lot more

  10. jmatko says:

    I’d be out the office door and wouldn’t look back! I’d also take that opportunity to tell my boss that his pants are hiked up so high, I can see that he’s hanging to the left…

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