Touchdown Jesus out for season

Posted: June 18, 2010 in Whatever
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Irony is a son of a bitch. A six-story statue of jesus in the town of Monroe, OH was struck by lightning and burned to the ground a few days ago. Did Jesus forget to clean his room? Was this a cruel form of omnipotent punishment? I searched like crazy to read the explanations from religious nutjobs but became increasingly frustrated when they continued to elude me. It’s funny how when something terrible happens (i.e. September 11th) the delusional masses find ways to exploit those situations into some ecclesiastical “I told you so” lecture (i.e. God is mad, so he allowed September 11th to happen to teach us a lesson). What happens when tragedy strikes their own iconic figure? Nothing. I guess there’s no good explanation for why God would shit where he eats huh? What I DID find, though, were plenty of explanations about how the steel frame was what attracted the lightning strike. So science and reason are admissible for this incident, but not for everything else they believe in? Selective reasoning is also called denial.

Church pastor, Darlene Bishop, said, “It will be back, but this time we are going to try for something fireproof.” What about prayer and holy water, no good? It’s the same reason why some churches have lightning rods on their steeple, and it’s a direct contradiction to their very dogma. Maybe they’re not so confident anymore? Listen, if you’re going to cite scientific fact of electrical conductivity in metal then I don’t think you’re allowed to hypothesize that a magic man created everything from thin air in 7 days with nothing to prove it with. If you’re going to be irrational, be irrational all the time – don’t jump in and out like some drunken moron attempting double-dutch. The damage to the statue and amphitheater is reported to be around $100,000 but it’s cool, when your company’s not taxed and your customers believe everything you tell them, you can make that up pretty quickly.

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  1. ann sterzinger says:

    Actually, I think Satan did this because Jeebus cheated at cards.

  2. pbandchutney says:

    I was shocked that you couldn’t find any mumbojumbo reasoning from these religious fanatics about why (as you so eloquently put it) “shat where he ate”. Great find however, and great writing. I am entertained, once again 🙂

  3. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Suzanne Munshower and Hayden Ramsey, Doc Twittenheimer. Doc Twittenheimer said: What would Jebus do? He'd use fireproof materials the FIRST time he made a giant statue of himself calling a touchdown. […]

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