Call me “Doctor”

Posted: June 17, 2010 in Whatever
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

I’ve heard this happen before and know people who it has happened to. You might be familiar with the scenario, it generally takes place at a party, other get together or sometimes over the phone:

-I’m sorry, what was your name? Mr. Jones?

-It’s Dr. Jones.

Oh is it? I don’t think you heard me. I didn’t ask if you were an arrogant prick, I asked you what your fucking name was, but thanks for answering the former. Are we in a doctor’s office, is there a reason why I should drop to my knees and weep before you? Oh, my bad, you have me confused with somebody who gives a shit. Besides, I’m pretty sure you go home, take a dump and watch TV just like I do so excuse me for not boosting your fucking ego any more than it already is. Why the hell should I have to address you with a special title, because you went to medical school? Kiss my ass, you’re smart, we get it – now do your job like every other god damn citizen in this country. I won’t bow to you because you’re allowed to fondle my balls once a year. Is there actually a viable reason why we’re supposed to address these people with the title of their academic achievement? I’m coming up with very few reasons why it would benefit anything except, of course, just enabling them to remain on their pedestal. I’ve actually had people tell me, “Make sure you address him as Dr.” Give me a break, if his name is Fred I’m calling him Fred, if for no other reason, to spite him. If he wants to throw a fit about that, then I’ll just go with “turd.” Listen, Dr. Dickbag, your payoff for completing medical school is the giant paycheck. If you’re spending it on hookers, blow, prescription drugs and need a title to feel superior, then come to my office where Dr. Nick administers free humbling punches to the face. I’ll write you a prescription for tell somebody who cares and a lifetime dose of shut the fuck up. If you insist or ask that I call you Dr outside of the workplace, I’m going to have to insist that you stop wasting your time. You paid for the title, not me. Look in the mirror and call yourself Dr, because I’ll most likely just call you Fred. If that makes you sad, then drive your BMW to your country club and cry about it there.

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  1. PB&Chutney says:

    Couldn’t agree with you more!!!

    • Nick says:

      I KNEW there were others out there who couldn’t stand that shit. WIN!

      • Jenna says:

        LOL that’s funny – and ya know, if they constantly correct people with Dr. Whatever, its pretty likely they’re going to run into the issue of, “so i’ve got this wart on my thigh” while they’re at a dinner party. So maybe it balances out.

      • Nick says:

        Ooooh, that woulda been good for me to note in the post. If you’re going to insist I call you “DR”, I’m going to bug the living shit out of you with medical questions. haha, nice.

  2. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Jill Wiles and Dustin Moeller, Pamela Thomas. Pamela Thomas said: RT @RetortNation Todays post is a big hit, seems most everybody agrees with me ~~ OMG LMAO! […]

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