The Situation has reached threat level ass hat

Posted: June 16, 2010 in Headlines that make you want to punch somebody
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Better known as “One of Those Stupid Assholes from Jersey Shore”,  Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino has found a new way to completely embarrass himself. Adding to the list of things he is terrible at and doomed to failure in, The Situation is going to prove to the world that he not only sucks in general, but now he sucks specifically at rapping too. I, personally, can’t figure out where he found the time to get this done. In between his trips to the gym, tanning bed, ironing board, cat calling women and filming YouTube videos only the brainless give a shit about, he has managed to squeeze in a few minutes to come up with arguably the most awful thing you will ever hear. TMZ first broke a clip of his song which includes incredibly poetic lyrics such as, “Woah, the situation. Woah, woah the mother effing situation. Woah, woah the situation.” Breathtaking. I would expect nothing less from a collaboration with guys named Fatman Scoop, DJ Class, and The Disco Fries. They even put their brilliant minds together to come up with the inventive song title of “The Situation.” Musical masterminds. You can listen to the clip at TMZ here, but I caution you – there is no coming back from that.

Included, but not limited to, in the things I’d rather do than listen to this are: pierce my scrotum with a rusty nail, close my face in a george foreman, watch baseball, be accosted by a priest or listen to Ke$ha. I’m shocked every time a “musician” like Ke$ha or Lady Gaga start selling records, but I shouldn’t be. The bar for good music has been set so low that pretty much any assortment of frequencies including a bass line has every dumbass in the world uniting to pump fists and deny their retardation. It’s gotten so bad that a guy like The Situation just walked into a room with that piece of crap track and other people in the room actually looked at each other and said, “Yes! Let’s all put our names on this so everybody knows that we endorse it!” The collaborative brain function of the average orange-faced Jersey Shore fan is somewhere near that of a half-aborted fetus with downs, but there is no way anybody can think this is good music. I guarantee I’ll be shocked again though when the dickbag actually sells some of these, then thanks god for his achievements – furthering my argument for de-evolution. Stay in the tanning bed and turn it on high, you’ll be doing the world a favor.

This is sign language for "I'm a douchebag"

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Comments
  1. jmatko says:

    Oh my GOD that was hilarious! Keep writing…I can always count on you to not only say what EVERYONE else is thinking, but to keep me laughing.
    Cheers!

  2. Rico Swaff says:

    Dude, I fucking HATE The Situation. I also totally agree with your view on current popular music. It has been a systematic decline for years now.

  3. Bill says:

    First of all, you don’t get to choose your own nickname. Second of all, even if you did, how brain dead do you have to be to come up with “The Situation”? What do I call you, “The”? “Mr. Situation”? How ’bout if I just call you “Sitch” for short? I would swear this guy owes his success to a pact with Satan. If I believed in Satan, that is.

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