One time, I got so drunk

Posted: June 13, 2010 in Whatever
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Have you ever gotten so drunk that you killed your best friend? Pussy. Just yesterday I drank 6 beers! I know this because I saved all the caps in my pocket and updated Twitter upon completion of every one. Man up.

In Marietta, GA 2 friends were at the local bar for a few (36) drinks when they ran into a little trouble. After they played rock, paper, scissors to decide which one drove home, the passenger became ill (probably from the burger, definitely not the Budweiser and shots of Wild Turkey). Like anybody would do, he stuck his head out of the window to throw up and kept it out there for the remainder of the drive home. Like any good driver would do, he took a hard corner, sideswiped a telephone pole thereby decapitating his friend. I know what you’re thinking, “That can happen to anybody.. big deal.” It gets better (or worse, depending on which seat you’re in). This drunken asshole drove all the way home, got to his house, and went to bed. He found out he created a headless hillbilly when the cops busted his door to find him passed out, covered in blood. From here on out why don’t you give ME the keys, Andretti, this isn’t quite Daytona.

Yeah, no shit.

Sideswiping a pole and decapitating your friend is child’s play compared to the shit that went down in Crescent City, CA. Jarrod Wyatt, MMA Fighter, brutally murdered his friend after getting torn up on some mushrooms. Wyatt reportedly “became preoccupied with the idea that a tidal wave was coming, that the end of the world was upon them and that a struggle between God and the devil was taking place.” He looked at his friend and saw the face of the devil. Normal people, if hallucinating the devil, might laugh uncontrollably, ask questions or stand on their porch looking out into what they think is hell. When a trained fighter hallucinates the devil – he kills that mother fucker. After gouging his eyes out, he cut his tongue from his mouth then ripped his beating heart from his chest. “HOLY SHIT!” right? Well, after that he attempted to cook his friend’s heart in an attempt to “stop the devil.” When the cops showed up, Wyatt was relieved and asked if they were God, and if they were here to save him. Call me crazy, but I’ve never heard of anybody ripping somebody’s heart out over the big bang theory, or the belief that Darwin was upon us. It’s cool though, keep preaching fear and rapture, we’ll probably all be fine.

Yeah, no shit.

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  1. Oh, I remember this story so well. Some poor guy was walking his dog or something and saw this headless body hanging out of the guy’s car in his driveway. Can you imagine if some poor kid had found the head?! Damn!

  2. Rico Swaff says:

    I must say, I never was a fan of shrooms because of all the intense philosophical/God delusions that come with it. That is some crazy shit!

  3. how much should i weigh says:

    hey whats your myspace page.

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