You have to enjoy the little things

Posted: May 14, 2010 in Whatever
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

It’s no secret that I struggle to keep a smile on my face during the weekdays. I’ve been told countless times that the key to happiness is to “enjoy the little things”. I did, and still do, think this is kind of a crock of shit; but something happened to me yesterday that helped me understand what they’re all talking about. For some people, perhaps seeing a group of ducklings following their mother may instill a moment of happiness and help to crack a smile, but I’m wired a bit differently.

I was at the store where, on my way to check-out, I slowed down to grab a beverage from the mini cooler on the counter. Let me be clear that I did not stop my progress, I merely slowed down. This is important to point out because if I had stopped to ponder my choice of drink, I would understand what happened next. As I slowed down and leaned in to grab the bottle, the guy behind me sped up and stepped in front of me in line. Bastard! I was left with nothing to do but look at him now, and analyze. I got pretty lucky because this guy was a douchebag in every sense of the word. He was an older man, I’m guessing around 45. One of those kind of guys you can just tell hates any generation before or after his. he was wearing white stone-washed jeans, a Harley Davidson jacket, work boots and had one of those fucked up bloodshot noses that indicates he may or may not have been drunk for the majority of his life. What was even better were the items he was purchasing. He cut me in line to buy an economy sized bottle of $1 hair gel and a bottle of aspirin. I guess being as cool as this guy is so hard it hurts. To make matters worse, he argued with the clerk because she couldn’t break his $100 bill (for his $4 purchase) so we had to wait while the manager brought change. I finally had my chance to check-out and the shitbag was still standing right by me, slowly putting the money back into his clip and counting the change. This was perfect, his delay is what ultimately cost him some aggravation later.

I hurried to get to my car before him in order to execute my plan. Good thing he thought he was so damn cool because he did his tough guy slow walk all the way to his Hummer (because nothing says “look at me” like the Tiny Wiener Mobile). I got to the parking lot exit right before he did, and this lot empties onto an incredibly busy street. I know from experience that you could end up waiting to turn for as long as 8 minutes, so I picked my time wisely. I noticed the break in traffic coming, and when it came I didn’t move. The exit is also one where the sides are curbed in, so he was stuck right behind me. He was livid, as expected, and I grinned and laughed uncontrollably as he waved his hands around and beeped the horn at me. About 3 minutes went by and I noticed the next wave of traffic coming. I checked the rear view mirror one last time to see he had given up – the flailing and honking were reduced to one steady middle finger, he knew what was coming. At the last possible second I peeled out in front of the traffic giving him the parting gift of my middle finger extensively visible out of my window leaving Mr. McFuckbag sitting there having to wait for god knows how much longer. When I looked back he had both elbows on the steering wheel with both hands on his head. I smiled all the way home. I guess they’re right – you really do have to enjoy the little things.

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  1. Kelly says:

    Just awesome.

    You know, why are there so many douchbags like this guy? I ask you why? Why are these people so angry at the world, so awefully ignorant and so disconnected from others….no courtesy or consideration and positive vibes.

    I’m glad you got one over this dumb-a**.

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