You’re so bitter!

Posted: May 10, 2010 in Whatever
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

I tend to hear this a lot, and I feel the need to clear the air a little on this one. Monday seemed like the best time to post this seeing as how, on this day, I generally contemplate whether I should just wake up or throw myself out of bed head first hoping to go unconscious. There is a fine line between being a negative person and just opening your fucking eyes. If it seems like I’m cynical or negative it’s because you, in some way, have been protected throughout life to believe that everything has some silver lining or greater meaning. I’m here to tell you that it’s all bullshit. Am I bitter? Hell yes I am, I was promised flying cars by now.

Read the paper or watch the news and tell me how peachy everything is. The lame are breeding, the greedy are running our country and those in the highest offices of nuclear power believe in and accept the fact that Armageddon is God’s will. Call me crazy but I am not comfortable with the fact that people who can launch weapons of mass destruction are the same people who believe that their invisible man is more powerful than somebody else’s invisible man (and both invisible men think they are correct). Religion has already proved to be nothing but a dick showing contest anyway (I didn’t even see that pun coming) so I reeeaaally don’t like the fact that meatheads who can potentially end the world are feeling a little insecure. The inmates are running the asylum and we all have a front row seat.

They say you have to enjoy the little things… well yeah, because that’s the only amount of time you have to do so. After sleeping and the 40 hour/week time dump, we aren’t left with much time to enjoy. So enjoying the little things is easy because we are given, in fact,  very little time to do it. After spending 8 hours with a plastic smile and artificial emotions I am permitted maybe 3 hours to relax, enjoy myself and be with my wife. Then it’s back to bed to do it all over again. Sprinkle in some nightly news of the latest murders and political corruption and it’s almost laughable.

I used to be a relaxed, happy guy. My problem is that I, for some reason, had some retarded notion that I would do something different or special, perhaps make a name for myself. Then I grew up and realized that the vast majority of us are all so shockingly average and it makes me want to throw up. There are millions just like me who drone on every day and go through the motions but they have the blessed ability to block it out and trick themselves into believing that this is what happiness is. I suppose I’m a victim of my own mind, I can’t stand not understanding something and this is one I have yet to wrap my head around. I’ve been told that “this is how it is”, “this is life” and to “get used to it.”  If I’m going to get blank, mindless answers like that then I’m going to state simply “not for me, it isn’t.”

Listen, I find happiness in plenty of things, it’s not like I’m walking around kicking dogs and punching infants. It just pisses me off that we have so little time for them that they occupy an incredibly small percentage of our life’s pie chart. Most people find ways of dealing with this, so I guess this is mine. It is just aggravating that this is it, this is what we’re here for. Most of our lives are spent kissing ass, filling quotas or pretending like the smile on our face isn’t completely fake. So am I bitter? I guess it depends on how you look at it. I laugh plenty, and have fun in my own way (to the chagrin of most). So if it seems like I’m poking fun at everything or being cynical, it’s because if I’m not able to laugh at all of the ridiculous bullshit that goes on I will lose my mind. Some call it being negative, I call it being realistic – so kiss my ass. We’re not here for long, so I wish I could trick myself into buying the happy package but I, unfortunately, don’t have blinders on. Is the glass half full? Well it better be, of whiskey, because I’m going to need it.

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  1. maura says:

    mmmm bitter

    I’m with you. Plus even if, god forbid, you keep on trucking toward making a “difference” in the world, the world seems to make it as hard as possible. Still you fight on and the hurdles become larger until you just have to give up and accept that nobody can change anything. And those that can– forgot why they wanted to in the first place. And now instead of striving toward a future where atheists/agnostics/muslims/black people who remember what being black is like are represented on the SCOTUS, we settle for a “non-protestant”…

  2. Bob in Exile says:

    Way to go Nick..Is it OK if I sit at the bar with you and have a half full glass of tequila ?

  3. ann sterzinger says:

    Oh boy, this is making me feel slightly less suicidal over the fact that I can’t find a job… Just read a want ad that said “Serious faces need not apply! :)” and I almost took a bus out to the place just to kick the owner in the groin.

    There are no good options.

  4. Jennifer says:

    It’s incredibly refreshing to know I’m not the only one with issues accepting “the real world” and needing to believe there’s got to be more to it than muddling on…

    • Nick says:

      You are definitely not, and likewise – it’s good to know I’m not the only miserable bastard out there. I didn’t expect this kind of response. Good stuff!

  5. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by tattered wings. tattered wings said: well it's either this or choose the red pill a-la-neo. I feel ya my friend @RetortNation […]

  6. Jael says:

    You are a realist. Nothing wrong with that. Tell it like it is. Some of us(including me) like to live life in a bubble. I write poetry about this, about living a “masqued happiness” while reality parades by. For me, it is just so damned tiring to justify my realism to the happy people that I smile for THEM. Ya know?

    • Nick says:

      I hear ya, I’m a professional actor every day. “Yes sir” comes out of my mouth, while “I wish you were standing in front of me so I could knock your fucking teeth in” dances in my head. I smile, nod, cope and all the while in my head I’m counting down the seconds until I get to sit and think about nothing for a minute.

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