Is it “abstract art”, or did you just spill your coffee?

Posted: April 27, 2010 in Whatever
Tags: , , , , , ,

I know their is a large number of people out there who honestly believe that any blotch or random splattering of paint is art, so this might offend a few. However, I can not reiterate enough the level of not giving a shit I have reached, it’s historic, and a bit alarming. I’ve heard people talk about this nonsense for too long, and in a sleepy stupor I stumbled across some late night TV in which they were discussing some “art” pieces. I heard words like “passion” and “angst” used to describe the process of making said “art”. They went on to mention how each piece “spoke to them” and expressed its individuality. After listening to these babbling boneheads for 15 minutes I reached my breaking point. I can’t be certain what happened but when my black out ended I was outside, naked and covered in grass stains and lacerations. I can’t take it anymore. Listen, it’s not art. I know that’s tough to hear, but I will never believe that blasting Alanis Morrissette and throwing cans of paint into a canvas while crying and screaming is art. If you Google image search “abstract art” and “spilled coffee or paint” the results are identical.

His eyes are crooked, he looks to have 3 mouths but no hands to hold the trumpets, the bass is sitting unplayed in the background and I’m pretty sure he’s wearing a party hat. If this is art, then I was a fucking prodigy at age 4.

Does this one speak to you? Does it scream of anger, passion or angst? It speaks to me. It says “I’m a nosebleed”. Sometimes it says “I’m a dropped can of paint” but I can’t be certain. If it looks like a used tampon thrown against a wall, it’s not art, it’ a mess.

Another interesting piece. To some, this one may seem like a good use of various brush strokes and interesting shapes. To me, it looks like somebody needs to buy a new cup of coffee, and perhaps, change their pants.

Look, I’m not trying to offend anybody (I couldn’t even type that with a straight face) but this shit has gone on long enough. I can’t wait to have kids because I’ll be rich after throwing their diapers off the wall and taking pictures of it. If I can’t tell whether or not a 3rd grader or some snobby, self-inflated douche made it – it will always be a ‘doodle’ in my book.

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Comments
  1. Bob ross says:

    The second one looks good though, it looks like a subway ceiling where some dude was ran over and his blood flying against the wall and it staining the ceiling. the other 2 i kinda see your point, but the second one is very good and it should have been your blood to use to paint that picture for saying its bad.

    • Nick says:

      Right, and it could have been some dude’s blood splattered on the ceiling… so if you can’t tell the difference, how is that a work of art? Thanks for helping me make my point, cool it, Picasso.

  2. […] people like this April 28, 2010 Leave a comment Go to comments I was left a comment on my last post that had me a little […]

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