A thought on dreams

Posted: April 16, 2010 in Whatever
Tags: , , ,

I have a quick thought on dreams I feel the need to share. When you’re telling me about how you woke up in a sweat because a dog was chasing you, or you realized you showed up to class naked, pardon me if my eyes begin to glaze over and I suddenly become incontinent – because I know what’s coming. Before you try to explain the hidden meaning behind your bed time synapse firing, let me just say: I don’t care. It’s nothing personal, I’m sure your dream was exhilarating and entertaining but I just don’t see the reason why I need to know that you think you can predict the future because a dog bit you in the ass in your dream.

My point is, when one of these people finds a dollar bill on the ground, they use it as some asinine excuse to tie it into a dream they had, thereby concluding that it was an indicator of future events. Excuse me while I pound my head into the wall enough times in order for me to become as delusional as you are. Roll out the whack job wagon and toss in a few straight jackets too because I’m about to lose it. Whenever I find money on the ground I give myself a fucking pat on the back for keeping my eyes open and vindictively smirk as I think about the person at the check-out counter who just came up a little short. I don’t try to pretend like my dream about dressing up like a clown, breaking into peoples houses and leaving them an upper decker had anything to do with it (what, you never had that one?). If your dream is funny, scary or otherwise entertaining then let me hear it, I like fiction. The minute I feel the conversation turn into some god awful version of a fucking Miss Cleo commercial I’m covering my ears and yelling profane, incoherent phrases as loud as I can until you go away.

Ever hear of a self-fulfilling prophecy? In case you didn’t read the link (you lazy ass), it means that if you believe in bullshit hard enough you eventually trick yourself into thinking it came true or is a reality in some capacity of your own mind (the way hypochondriacs are always sick, or how the religious nuts make themselves pass out at those ridiculous gatherings after somebody holds their hand up and screams “THE POWER OF JESUS CHRIST COMPELS YOU!!!”).

A dream is a series of random impulses that feed off of images stored in your brain to create what seems to be a story. Not a porthole into your subconscious revealing some unknown fact of life or hidden knowledge to the future, you idiot. I used to think dream interpretation was fun, until I actually did the research and found out that all psychological interpretations wind up, in one way or another, being phallic. Ever have a dream that you were eating a hot dog? You’re gay. Playing baseball? Gay. Snake? Gay. Chased by a dog? Slow…. and gay. If you ever have a dream where you’re eating a hot dog and are chased by a dog, step on a snake and wind up naked on a baseball field… you might as well turn in your hetero card. Enjoy your dreams like you would a movie, don’t look for hidden meaning. If you want to feed me a line of bullshit and mask it behind a fictional story, you can at least have a little respect. Invite me over once a week and charge a cover, like they do on Sundays.

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