It’s kind of like getting a Corvette for $100 and a hand job

Posted: April 13, 2010 in sports
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

I thought I would try to refrain from writing about athletes for a little while but this is one I couldn’t let go of. Santonio Holmes, Superbowl MVP NFL wide receiver, was traded to the Jets for only a 5th round pick. For those of you who may not understand exactly what this means – it’s kind of like getting a Corvette for $100 and a hand job. “Why would such a great player demand so little? And why wouldn’t my beloved Bears, who desperately need wide receiver help, not make a move for such a player?” Sounds like an easy decision doesn’t it? Well, throw in some over reaching morals, a dash of pompous, a hint of ignorance and the answer we come up with is completely absurd.

Bad Santonio! Bad!

They call it “character issues”, which really means they’re not acquiring said great talent because they’d hate to offend the handful of tight-assed, bible hugging half-wit fans that would be appalled if their team had a player on it who had, gulp, gotten into trouble. Scary, isn’t it? It’s horrifying to think of a team comprised of giant crazed men who may not be wonderful citizens, carrying elderly women across the street or climbing neighborhood trees to save cats. News flash fuckface – half of the league is out there slapping strippers, main lining drain-o and harassing groves of women in bar bathrooms.

I can see it now, General Manager X has to come to the podium and announce they didn’t sign a fantastic, affordable player because he’s afraid of the backlash he’ll get from a band of idiots. After walking back to his office he will undoubtedly cry himself into a stupor and attempt to hang himself because he knows this notion of pro athletes being held to some high citizen’s standard is FUCKING RETARDED! Sign him, let him sit out his suspension and then go win some god damn football games. Kudos to the Jets, who aren’t complete scared pussies.

This whole idea always reminds me of religion in politics. They have no business being even mentioned together, but they always are, and always hamper the efficiency and credibility of both parties. If the clown college of delusional idiots want to hide behind their own insecurities then go right ahead. Call it whatever you want, but at least be honest. I want a general manager to come to the podium and say, “We didn’t sign X player because he has gotten into trouble, and I am afraid that if we bring him onto our team a small group of crazy morons would picket outside of my office, and I really don’t want my BMW to get scratched.” Owning a professional sports team is not about having integrity. If that was the case, the minimum wage job market would be over crowded and our sports organizations would be boring as hell. Running a pro sports team is about winning championships, period. If signing a given player gets you closer to winning the big one, you make that move, it is that simple. Don’t worry about what the scared, insecure, jealous housewives might say.  Besides, it’s amazing how a person’s record can be wiped totally clean, and the righteous assbags forget about all the problems – when that player helps you win the Superbowl.

"This is me winning the Superbowl"



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Comments
  1. Dave says:

    While i agree the bears should have definitely made an attempt to pick up some much needed wide receiver help, i don’t know if agree that the jets got him for cheap. i think they got him for exactly what he is worth. we should definitely not be holding sports superstars to higher standards, ever, the whole business of them being role models is absurd beyond belief. however, i think if the athlete is a d-bag and does some really stupid shit he should be penalized, and his career opportunities should definitely be affected. im pretty sure on almost every job application there is a box to check if you have ever been convicted of a felony, and if so, i would imagine you are excluded from certain jobs. so i dont think the athletes should be treated any different. thats just my opinion, and i think if the pro sports world did work that way, you are right, it would be very boring indeed, or maybe some of the ass hat millionaires wouldn’t be so damn stupid and not waste the talents they were born with, and that many of us envy.

    • Nick says:

      That’s a good point, I mean any job has qualifiers as far as conduct is concerned, you’re right. I’m not against his suspension, I think ht got what was coming to him. What really chapped my ass about the Bears was that: if you’re going to take a flyer in the 5th round (thats all the later rounds are anyway: flyers) Why not take one on a proven WR? I just know damn well Angelo wanted him but there are advisors and people out there going, “You better not”. Hes a d-bag, granted, but let the d-bag pay his price and get out there again like anybody would in any job. Plus I’m just super bitter that he’s not a Bear

  2. BIll says:

    Could be worse. The Vikings or Packers could have gotten him.

  3. […] not to be happy – he makes them a much, much better team and closer to winning a title and I’m on record as saying that’s really all I care about. This, however, is a tough pill to swallow. I can not be convinced that this is anything other than […]

  4. […] much better team and closer to winning a title and I’m on record as saying that’s really all I care about. This, however, is a tough pill to swallow. I can not be convinced […]

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