I’m going to have to cut you off…

Posted: April 7, 2010 in Whatever
Tags: , , , , , ,

I’ve endured plenty of nights out and been a part of my fair share of ridiculous stories, and at some point they all usually share a common event. We’ve all been there, whether it be watching a friend or experiencing it ourselves. After slamming another shot, finishing off beer #9 and slapping your friend’s girlfriend’s ass you look at the bartender and know before he even opens his mouth – your night is over, at least at this bar. “I have to cut you off, here’s a glass of water”. Damn it, that’s it and now you’re “that guy” who had to have his wrist slapped by the same guy who helped get you that sloppy in first place. You know what though, it’s for the best. Who’s to say that next beer wouldn’t have put you in your blackout zone, resulting in waking up next to Sasquatch and discovering, upon going to the bathroom, that you’ll remember this night forever for all the wrong reasons? By cutting you off that bartender prevented you from contracting syphilis, so I recommend you thank him instead of calling him a few gay slurs and throwing your pint glass across the bar like I’m sure you did, asshole. My thought is, why can’t this rule be applied elsewhere? If the bartender can take a good look at you and decide that it’s in you and your health’s best interest to call it a night, why can’t a McDonald’s employee do the same?

If bars can deny service to a potentially harmful, over drunk person why can’t fast food establishments deny service to an over fat, potentially diabetic person? Just once I’d like to see a goliath sloth wheel his motorized cart into a fast food restaurant and be turned away. “I’m sorry sir, I think you’ve had just about enough. Can I call you a cab? Perhaps an ambulance – you look like you’re moments away from a heart-attack.” Replace ‘alcohol’ with ‘food’ and the visual gets pretty funny. I’m picturing a scenario where the pudgster gets extremely aggravated and becomes unruly. Imagine these mammoths yelling for their Big Macs and screaming for a manager before being reduced to begging for ‘just one more’. I have zero sympathy for somebody who puts themselves in a difficult situation by their own choices, myself included. I’m sorry (not really), but I can and will not feel bad for the population of people reduced to wheel chairs, walkers, handicapped privileges and insulin pumps because they couldn’t resist ordering the milkshake to wash down their double quarter pounder with cheese. If the guy at the counter had been able to advise you to turn your fat ass around and walk out the door you wouldn’t be in that predicament in the first place. I guess if I ever happen to end up with one of those awful conditions, I’ll do what any other self-respecting American citizen would do – sue McDonald’s, it’s their fault anyway isn’t it? Listen – you are not allowed to cry about a condition you brought upon your self. If somebody purposely shot them self in the leg and complained about it as you drove to the hospital you would probably call that person a dumb ass, right? When a drunk guy has one too many drinks and ends up pissing on a squad car you will probably hear somebody say, “I can’t believe the bartender kept serving him.” So tell me, how the hell is this any different?

"Sorry pal, I think you've had enough."

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Comments
  1. izziedarling says:

    Funny and true. Also provides backup for the reason you NEVER see fat old people b/c they would be dead b/c of behavior you have listed.

    • Nick says:

      And it’s weird because you always see old people hanging out in groves at McDonalds, all sitting reading the paper, drinking the terrible coffee. They are wise, and stay away from the mcnuggets.

  2. techentre says:

    Think about it, the owner of the bar doesn’t want you to die, he wants you to bring your alcoholic ass back there again tomorrow and spend another $80 on over priced booze 😀

    The same is true for McDonalds, fat people get the shareholders of McDonalds drooling, they should fire you for turning away the people that bring in the big bucks.

    Of course, not all fat people you see randomly are that way because of McDonalds, but if they are in a McDonalds, chances are it didn’t help.

    • Nick says:

      But if that fat mass of crap drops dead he’ll never eat another hamburger again! What a tragedy. But I do see your point. Maybe they should have a way to measure the risk – they way roller coasters have a “too short to ride” feature, and airports have the bin to determine if your bag is too big to carry on. Have them try to fit into a predetermined width and if they can’t then they have to come back a little later.

      • BIll says:

        Simple solution really. Just make the door a certain width, that way only people who can squeeze through the door can get in & order. Of course that won’t stop the fat fucks in the drive thru, and I’m sure it would also lead to Jabba the Hutt-sized undulating masses paying skinny people to go in & buy them food, like underaged kids paying you to go into a liquor store & buy them beer.

  3. CaseMoney says:

    I appreciate your lighthearted take on everyday life, but I felt the need to clarify a small part of this one, probably because it affects me personally. While your perspective of the ‘diabetic’ reference here may be a spot-on generalization for those like…..Randy Jackson, it does not explain all diabetics. Randy Jackson, yes, overweight, terrible eater, and he completely brought it upon himself, along with most other TYPE 2 diabetics. But then there are those of us TYPE 1 diabetics who were just fortunate enough to be blessed with shitty genes and have parents or family members that have passed this damned, yet tolerable disease on to their offspring. I’m not here to give a health lesson, I just felt the need to state my case. Keep on rockin’ the daily life hatred, it’s definitely appreciated by all of us who just don’t voice it, just keep an open eye out for inadvertent offensive generalizations. Thank you!

  4. beedeekay says:

    Nick, its a disease if you didn’t know already called fatfcukitis americanus. I mentioned it in a debate about healthcare here:

    http://beedeekay.com/2010/03/23/megan-mcardle-is-on-the-money/

    Nonetheless, as an econ major, perhaps I can give my own perspective (though I love the posts, and I wasn’t actually a good econ student) I would argue that the reason why Mickey D’s won’t cut someone off is that Mr. 2 Big Mac Meals, will probably go elsewhere with his money (Burger King, KFC, Just Salad…HAHA just making sure you’re still with me here!) Whereas a d-bag who gets drunk at a bar can be a real mess to the revenue stream (belligerent guests break stuff, cause other people to leave, vomit uncontrollably etc.) a fat person is probably not gonna have the same effect (heavy breathing, “are you gonna eat that” and taking up more space are not quite as bad). I dunno what do you think?

    • Nick says:

      Yea I guess a fat, slow, asthmatic heffer poses no real danger unless he collapses on something, haha. I liked that article, solid run down on some points for people like me who don’t know the entire issue. When I have time I’ll dig into that full article.
      thanks for reading! In case you others don’t know, beedeekay’s blog kicks ass http://beedeekay.com/

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