No, they’re sweatpants.

Posted: April 6, 2010 in Whatever
Tags: , , , ,

It’s not too often that men have the opportunity to cry foul over an injustice in regards to double standards, so I want to take this opportunity to do so. I’ve noticed this fashion trend making its way into our every day lives and now it’s beginning to sneak into our night life and places of work. I’ve had just about enough of this garbage so let me set up a scenario for you to help illustrate my point.

On a beautiful summer night my wife and I are getting ready to head out and meet friends for a few drinks. As she finishes up it’s not uncommon for me to hear, “You ready?” come resonating down the hallway. As I’m probably playing Xbox and my attention is fully focused on scoring the winning touchdown, the sound of her voice reaches my ear canal but enters my brain as “Play-action pass to Hester, but put him in the slot.” So I respond, “Yes, of course”. As I raise my hands in victory she emerges from the bedroom, ready to leave. After giving her a rousing celebratory high-five, her face begins to turn red with anger. “You’re still in your sweatpants?!” she exclaims. Shit… But this time I have a rebuttal. I’ve seen women wear sweatpants out to the bar, movie theater, dinner, and even work! I see this happening everywhere and I am totally fed up. They call them gauchos, but I’m calling them bullshit. If stretchy pants with an elastic waistband and bell bottoms aren’t sweatpants, then I’m going to start naming things whatever I want too. From her on out, boxers will now be named “Cucamongas” and I will wear my Cucamongas to the bar, grocery store, work or wherever else I damn well please.

The worst part is that women defend these things as if they honestly are an article of casual every day wear. I’m calling a spade a spade – they stretch and are without pockets, they’re sweatpants. You can bedazzle a jean jacket but they still aren’t allowed to be worn anywhere outside of the 80’s. I’ve heard this phrase more times than I like to admit: “They’re casual and comfortable.” Yeah? well so are sweats and pajama pants, but you don’t see me wearing Zubaz to work. Don’t spit on my cupcake and tell me it’s frosting (on a side note – if you ever spit on my cupcake, it’s grounds for maiming). Call them whatever you want because I’m not fooled, I’ll be wearing my Cucamongas.

Can you spot the difference? I can't

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  1. Dave says:

    I agree with you. My girlfriend, as a matter of fact, hates the thought of sweatpants on men all together. After she explained her reasoning I understand why men at least should not wear them outside the house really, the jiggling effect, apparently is quite the turn off. I like a nice pair of sweatpants, but really just around the house. I wouldn’t wear them outside for going out and socializing, and I agree, neither should women. That double standard strikes yet again!

    • Nick says:

      Exactly. And gauchos are also notorious for the jiggly effect, sometimes good… although sometimes horrible. I reached my limit when I noticed women wearing them to work. That is a total crock of shit. If I came into work wearing sweatpants I’d be sent home.

  2. Tim says:

    I seriously hate gaucho pants. I think they’re hideous. i call them ghetto pants. I find my wife attractive in everything she owns, but i hate those ghetto pants!

  3. BIll says:

    Yes, it is a double standard, but one that I unfortunately fully support, because I think I, and other dudes, tend to look like white trash rednecks when wearing sweat pants in public. Whereas women, particularly those with nice asses, look HOT in stretchy pants. It’s just like full frontal male nudity is considered obscene and will get your movie an NC-17 rating, while full frontal female nudity is considered beautiful and artistic. Since I don’t like looking at hairy dongs & bellies, I’m in full agreement with that as well.

    • Nick says:

      I love gaucho pants on women, I just want them to be called what they actually are. I’m not kidding when I say I’ve seen women wear them to work… fucking ridiculous.

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