Good Friday?

Posted: April 2, 2010 in Whatever
Tags: , , , , , ,

Today is Good Friday, every year I hear this term and I swear I remember learning about this at some point in between math class and recess. If I’m not mistaken, I thought somebody was famously reported to be brutally beaten and murdered on this same exact day. I think it was that Jewish magician – but don’t quote me on that. Perplexed and confused, this time I decided to scour the internet and page through the giant book of magic tricks to try and figure out if these 2 events were somehow related. Holy hell, have you ever Googled “Good Friday”? It’s absolutely horrifying! There is a tremendous amount of terribly graphic and awfully detailed gruesome information. It looks like they nailed that man to a cross and let him bleed to death while everybody watched. I don’t know how I would have forgotten about this, I remember this story involving a giant talking bunny who hid presents at the crack of dawn and laughed as he watched you try to find them half asleep. At first I thought I stumbled upon a Stephen King story but it was a little too far-fetched to be his handy work. I found out there was a funny twist to this one, though, and that made me smile a bit. As it turns out, this guy faked his death and tunneled out of his tomb thereby tricking everybody into thinking he rose from the dead! And they bought it! What a twist!! Jack Bauer ‘aint got SHIT on Jesus!

I’m sorry (not really), but any day where a man is said to crucified to death then stabbed for good measure doesn’t qualify as good in my book. If this happens to be a joyous event for you please let me know so I am aware and can keep a healthy distance. To prove my point, I’m going to punch you in the face in a large crowded area on a Wednesday and have everybody watch as you cry and bleed through your nose. Then from that point on I will tag that day as “Good Wednesday” and convince millions of people to get on board, I bet you wouldn’t be too fucking thrilled. It may just be a matter of semantics, but then I argue that Mr. Omnipotent should probably crack open a grammar book so we don’t struggle with this dichotomy any longer. I do understand the philosophy behind it though, just as I understand the need for conformity, which this salivates over. Without a precise set of unquestioned rules to live by we would probably all have to resort to being rational…uh, oh. So it is definitely a good thing that this system is so efficient at thwarting hate, violence and war. On a related note- I always heard priests, when I was little, talk about “turning the other cheek”. I never knew what the hell they were talking about until I grew older and started watching the news – and it’s just appalling. So while everybody celebrates the brutal murder and public display of gratuitous behavior, I’ll celebrate the fact that it’s Friday and I get out at 5pm. Wait, Good Friday warrants a half-day?! Praise the Lord!!!

Lighten up, it’s not like I flew a plane into a building in the name of religion (because that’s just ridiculous). Share this with somebody who has a sense of humor.
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  1. badmammy says:

    that is the best Jesus pic I have ever seen!!!! glory!

  2. Maura says:

    I once heard from a theologian where “turn the other cheek” supposedly came from. Ancient rules on slapping:
    1. only use your left hand– the dirty hand. The other hand is holy.
    2. only slap with the outside of your hand (downward motion) to slap with the inside would be a “lifting” motion, which was supposedly not a bad thing.

    So, when you turn your other cheek– you force the slapper to choose between using his holy hand on you or using the inside of his hand to lift you up to his “level” in society or whatever.

    Much cooler than just being a masochist…

    • Nick says:

      that is some solid research! I thought it was just something the priest asked us to do in confession. Man, I hope I wasn’t the only one…that would be embarrassing.

  3. Tom says:

    excellent job nick, finally something I can get behind (a little over the top, but hey thats your bread and butter right?)…..I’m boycotting easter by drinking all day and going to a Blackhawks game……go hawks

  4. Bill says:

    So, all set for Zombie Jesus day on Sunday?

  5. BIll says:

    Here’s one:

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