He’s our asshole

Posted: March 29, 2010 in Whatever
Tags: , , ,

I recently saw Hot Tub Time Machine (hilarious) and Craig Robinson’s character had a line that got me thinking. While defending his friend he said something to the effect of, “Everybody has that asshole friend, and he’s our asshole.” I’m sure everybody has that friend, the one your wife or girlfriend can’t stand, the one your mom told you to stop hanging out with years ago and the one who you are always bailing out of trouble (pun intended). This is the guy that, when mentioned to your significant other before heading out for the night, immediately gets you put in the dog house before you even step out of the door. Even if you came home with flowers you’d still be in time-out just for being in the moron’s presence. This guy is usually found making terribly bold statements, telling everybody they need to “start living”, “grow a pair” or otherwise encouraging debauchery. It’s always fun to hear what comes out of his mouth next seeing as how there is little to no filter on there whatsoever. If the guy at the end of the bar has his collar popped, it’s likely our friend will tell him he’s a douche bag. It is then also likely you are going to get clocked in the face on account of your buddy’s free spirit. Have you ever gotten that call? “Listen man, um, could you come pick me up…?” Yes you have, and you probably went and got his dumb ass didn’t you? But we keep hanging out with this guy, letting him drag us into whatever awkward situation comes next. Why? Probably because he is a lot of fun to be with, that’s why. Idiot or not, the guy is entertaining and chances are there is a part of you that wishes you had the gall to say or do some of the nonsense he does. Don’t lie either, you know you’ve pushed him too. Egging him on to do something idiotic just because you know he’ll do it. After a few shots you’ll have him completely convinced that the bar owner would love nothing more than to have him pouring his own drinks from behind the bar in his underwear. What’s a punch in the face by a bouncer if it’s all in the name of a great time? You could just go to the bar and hang out… but it’s much more fun to watch your buddy throw darts between his legs like an NFL long snapper. When it’s all said and done, when the smoke clears and his court date is set, there is a good chance this trifling trouble maker also happens to be a great friend. So the next time you’re explaining to the bartender that your friend didn’t mean she was a bitch, or when you’re at the ATM to get the bail – remember he would do the same thing for you, probably..maybe….well there’s a good chance he would. If you’re thinking about your group of friends and can’t seem to figure out which person this is…. it’s you.

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  1. frank says:

    I have a friend exactly like that and I tell him that all the time. Its true, he’ll do some dumb crap I would never do in a million years! As a matter of fact I believe he called about 10 random girls at 3am and left voicemails saying their boyfriends were cheating on them. Yes, he’s that asshole.


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