Barack-etology bailout

Posted: March 21, 2010 in Whatever
Tags: , , , , , ,

One by one their cries could be heard howling from every living room in America. From every corner bar and sports book in the country they cursed the names of officials, coaches and players blaming anybody within eyesight. Millions wept with their head in their hands trying to figure out how they would make the rent now that their NCAA bracket had gone to complete shit before we’ve even reached the sweet 16. Before you pound the pills, inhale the exhaust or string up the noose remember one thing: Your bracket sucks just as much as Barack Obama’s. That’s right – you may be smarter than the President. Barack Obama’s bracket is about as awful as your average dumb-ass mouth breather, and that makes me feel pretty warm and fuzzy. After all the nonsense we had to watch as Mr. Basketball was interviewed and grilled on every selection, he left us just as uninspired as his presidential tenure has so far. What I hope this means is that he wasn’t able to put much thought into March Madness because he was a little busy worrying about American Madness. I know what you’re thinking – “Whatever Nick, this year’s tournament is crazy” – and you’re right, but I know jack shit about NCAA Basketball and my main teams are still alive so excuse me while I take a second to gloat…. IN YOUR FACE BARACK! (first name basis due to my bracketal dominance). Does Obama (and most of the general public) know more about Basketball? Definitely. Does it matter? Obviously not.

I understand if you’re a little bummed out. It’s tough trying to explain why you lost your son’s college fund because Kansas got knocked out too early, or finding ways to tell creditors that if Villanova hadn’t lost you would have their money. Keep your head up though, it’s rare to be on a level playing field with the President so take some pride in that, besides – I’m sure you can scrounge up the mortgage payment using all of that change Obama has been asking everybody for. He has practically asked every living American person for change, and that adds up fast. Hell, I found over $2 in my couch once. Multiply that by 304 million Americans and you might even be able to afford health insurance, but I forgot – he’s fixing that – my bad. The President has to be a little miffed about his poor showing this year, and I would be too. Spending all that time and money filling and framing a losing bracket just to have it serve as nothing more than an eternal reminder of mediocrity is pretty disheartening…

Pay it forward

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  1. Tim says:

    Another great post Nick!

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