Holy Hell – March Madness is here!

Posted: March 18, 2010 in sports
Tags: , , , , , ,

So sit your ass on the couch, ignore your family and pony up Junior’s college fund because it’s time to rock and roll.

I love the smell of plummeting productivity in the morning, the hum of computers draining internet bandwidth with streaming feeds of basketball bliss and the frenzied fanatical excitement of circling your team’s name as they move closer to the Championship game – DAMN IT – it’s too much to take in!

The NCAA tournament is the grand stage for bandwagon basketball fans (like myself) to jump on and go unnoticed. The only team I’ve followed all year has been my Alma mater – Marquette (and even that is a bold statement) so how the hell can I possibly fill out a bracket and expect to even get close to winning back my mortgage payment? Enter: internet. With so many experts leading me in the right direction, revealing flawless algorithms and breaking down every region with details as far as the running dollar amount on Rick Pitino’s abortion tab – how can I go wrong? One expert says Kansas is a lock, another thinks Duke is the balls while a handful are liking Syracuse’s chances. I followed the rules of a few different experts and came up with a few separate brackets that looked completely unlike one another. I’m calling bullshit. You have a better chance of being sodomized and bitten by Marv Albert than completing any  kind of a successful bracket. So the best you can hope for is that somebody blows it or the refs are getting paid in your favor. I would be lying if I told you I didn’t buy in to some of this nonsense but this still holds true to any “expert” prediction – they’re almost always wrong. I get it though, they have to do this. In a world where people believe absolutely everything they hear, why would sports networks remove themselves from the brainwashing arena that is the dumb ass general public?

To the victor go the spoils

Regardless of which approach you take, it is imperative to bring home at least one nugget of information from all of the wild, nonsensical banter: Pick your teams, and leave it alone. There is nothing worse than staying up all night scratching out names, circling others, printing out bracket after bracket while crying yourself to sleep only to lose because some dickwad committed a ridiculous foul in the waning seconds of a game to drop them from the tournament. Besides, you should just pick the winners based on your favorite jersey colors – that’s what the receptionist is doing and you know damn well she’s going to win it, again.

I’ll leave you with a gem from one of the NIT (loser bracket) games this week. Hey – I’d punch somebody in the nuts if I were playing in the NIT too, I’m just not sure I’d do it twice…

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  1. D. Gonz says:

    i hate march madness. i really do. thank god i have a life 😛

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