Tiger Woods owes you nothing

Posted: March 16, 2010 in sports
Tags: , , , , , , ,

I know I’ve been on the Tiger soapbox before, but I would be remiss if I didn’t point out the latest events and the morons who attack him with their causeless idiocy.

Even if you tried your hardest to stay away from media outlets, like Ben Roethlisberger on a trip to the bathroom, it is nearly impossible to not stumble and fall on top of a newspaper somewhere that reads, “Tiger Woods to return at Masters”. (Quick note in case you don’t know: the Masters is essentially the Superbowl of golf) Making a comeback on your biggest professional stage possible takes incredible balls, and I think this situation is particularly awesome. I am somebody who doesn’t watch golf, ever, but what I always enjoy is any opportunity to see any group of pudwackers get served a nice hot dish of “shut your damn mouth”. Tiger Woods owes you absolutely nothing, and here’s why.

If you are one of those people who are angry at Tiger for cheating on his wife – why? Why do you care about something somebody did that is none of your business and affects you in no way? I’ll tell you why – you are nosy, invasive, bored and crave attention. Stop worrying about what Tiger does off the course and do what any other attention seeking nuisance would do – swallow a bottle of pills (see: Corey Haim).

If you are one of those people who are angry because Tiger Woods was supposed to be a great role model for your kids – please go back to doing what they used to do in the old days….be a parent. Use this as an opportunity for a teaching moment. Show them what NOT to do, show them that not everybody is invincible (even though in this case, he is). If you rely on a sports figure to be a role model to your child you will be severely disappointed (see: Michael Phelps, Michael Vick, Barry Bonds, Mike Tyson, Terrell Owens Brandon Marshall, O.J Simpson, Michael Jordan)

Tiger Woods became a household name for playing golf, for being the greatest athlete of his sport of all time anywhere on the globe. He didn’t become famous for being a moral, stand up guy. Was what he did repulsive? Yes. Was what he did immoral? Yes. Was what he did in any way related to the reason why he is famous? No – so shut your snooping, disruptive mouth. If you put any more emphasis on Tiger Woods other than the fact that he was an admirable athlete then you, sir or madam, are an asshat.

I couldn’t give a shit about the Masters tournament but I hope Tiger Woods terrorizes his competition just to watch the looks on all of the smug, self-righteous faces when they’re left with nothing else to say. I love to hear the abhorrent ramblings of every overweight, self-loathing gossip writer when they say ‘they would never have done what Tiger did’. How the hell would you know? Until you are a filthy rich athlete, the greatest of all time in your sport and in the best shape of your life having women throw themselves at you on a daily basis – please shut up. He is a young, disgustingly rich, professional athlete who’s only mistake was getting married when he wasn’t ready. If this is somehow related to golf – prove it. Its starting to sound like I should film my own “Leave Tiger alone” video

He came, he conquered, he came again, will conquer again and there is not a damn thing any of the jealous housewives of a suburb near you can do about it. The only thing that will make a win at The Masters any better is an emphatic fist pump with a middle finger firmly attached to the end of it.


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Comments
  1. Tim says:

    Great story Nick! I wholly agree with you on this one! Having a professional athlete (any sport) as a role model seems ludicrous to me. I want to be my children’s role model!! I’d have it no other way!!

  2. Nick,

    You admire greatness, as I do, too. Woods’ smugness and appearance as an All-American athlete/husband/father is what bugs me now. But I should not care. He is an athlete.

    I loved Bo Jackson and his greatness. Michael Jordan was the best and worked hard to the best.

    Tiger also works hard to the best, and that part I have always admired about him.

    One thing you and I agree upon: If Tiger Woods win, he will shut up a lot of peple.

    Great story.

  3. […] as a role model that “WE sought for OUR children”. I’ve been over this before, but WHO IS MAKING SPORTS FIGURES ROLE MODELS FOR THEIR CHILDREN!??! How can this stammering fool […]

  4. […] as a role model that “WE sought for OUR children”. I’ve been over this before, but WHO IS MAKING SPORTS FIGURES ROLE MODELS FOR THEIR CHILDREN!??! How can this stammering fool […]

  5. Dennis says:

    Great Story Nick,

    I on the other hand am a huge fan of golf, mostly because of Tiger Woods. I want him to win badly just because he is the best ever. Much like Jordan, he is the face of his sport, you don’t have to know anything about golf but you know who Tiger Woods is. Just like you know who Michael Jordan is. He’s gonna go down as the best golfer of all time. Years from now people our not gonna look back and not remember how many infedelities he had, there gonna remember him as the best ever. I want him to win because we our witnessing history.

    Denny

    • Nick says:

      Exactly, it makes me sick how much people are worried about what he does away from the course. He can bang as many sluts as he wants because I’m not concerned about anything besides how well he golfs.

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