More examples of ineptitude

Posted: March 8, 2010 in Headlines that make you want to punch somebody
Tags: , , , , , ,

In a relatively uneventful weekend in news I was still able to come away with a few gems I’m sure you’ll get a kick out of.

“Long Island mom got a cheap ‘hit’ “: Seems this Long Island bimbo shops for a bargain just about anywhere she can. After years of marriage where she plundered her husband’s estate, cheated on him and turned their kids against him she set her sights on the ultimate form of vengeance.

Susan had previously asked an unidentified man for help in arranging the attack on her husband, Nassau County DA Kathleen Rice said. That man contacted the DA.

“Initially it was, ‘I want him hurt,’ ” Rice said. “Then it became, ‘I want him gone.’

“She didn’t think she could afford [a murder]. She didn’t realize it was so cheap. When the $20,000 amount was thrown out” by the purported hit man, “she then made it clear what she wanted him to do,” the DA said.

Oh, well, if it will only cost me $20,000…. She then put down a $500 deposit (because that’s relative), a photo and called it a day. Luckily for her husband this woman is a moron because the “hit man” was actually an undercover cop. The best part: This dope had previously asked an “unidentified man” to help her arrange the hit. That man contacted the DA. Honestly, how dumb do you have to be? “‘Excuse me sir, you wouldn’t happen to know anything about finding a hit man would you? I’ve been searching Google all day but I don’t know if I can trust some of those fishy websites”. I hope she can sharpen her bargaining skills in prison, because slingin’ cigarettes aint easy.

“Bear at Manitowoc Zoo Bites off Woman’s Fingers” : I guess a week in aggravating headlines wouldn’t be complete without a report of somebody being maimed or otherwise deservedly plundered by a wild animal. This Manitowoc native decided the 3 year-old child who was with them needed a solid role model. Tracy Weiler bypassed the barrier and stuck her hand through the fence in an attempt to feed the mammoth killing machine. As expected, the bear ate the delicious treat along with a thumb, forefinger and bits of her middle and ring fingers. All is OK though because her boyfriend sprung into action and tried to pry the bears mouth open which was an awesome idea as he was bitten too. I am not shocked that I find myself repeating such phrases, but if the animal is behind bars – there must be a reason. Note to all you masochistic morons out there – if there is a sign that says “Don’t feed the bears”…. DONT FEED THE DAMN BEARS! What person sees a wild animal and a sign prohibiting the feeding of said animal and says to them self, ” Nah – I got this” ? To recap: If you swim with a 4 ton whale – you’ll probably end up dead, if you have a 1000lb chimp for a pet – you’ll probably be faceless, if you try to train a tiger to do tricks in Vegas – you’ll most likely be maimed and if you attempt to feed a wild caged bear – chances are you will deservedly lose a few fingers – asshole. I’m glad she is without those fingers so the next time she haplessly dives into a bag of treats to feed the lions – she’ll be reminded of what a jackass she is.

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